I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
