Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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