I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
