My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
