i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
