You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
