hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
