I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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