weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Come see our sink grown plant.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
