That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
