look no pants
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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