dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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