Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
