are you still at the devil's house?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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