I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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