Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
