im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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