How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
