Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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