I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
