Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
