Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
