Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
