I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
