Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
