How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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