Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
