Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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