Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
