We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
