ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
