Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
