I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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