I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
