he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
