I need to stop coming to work sober
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
