Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
