if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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