great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize