her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
