my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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