if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize