I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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