Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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