Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Boobs speak an international language.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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