i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
