Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
