so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
