id be glad to
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
