fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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