P.S. I can't hear my feet
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
