We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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