girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
