I will die if light touches me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
