she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
