He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
