watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
