I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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