Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
