oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
