If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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