I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
