FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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