i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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