so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize