last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
