when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
