even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
