I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
